Have you ever had your intuition tell you that someone is lying? You know something is off, but you can’t put your finger on it. Do you wish you had a polygraph on some people so you could just find out what’s really going on and what the REAL truth is? Don’t you just wish you were a human lie detector?
Congratulations. I can help you. I can give you some pointers that will give you insight into the environment of false reality that people are trying to create around you. First you must be able to tell when people are displaying signs of deception. Each one by itself doesn’t necessarily mean that someone is lying. Each one may be an odd coincidence. Although when they executed more than one at a time, they are called clusters of deception.
What YOU must do before you can determine if someone is lying
- You must manage your biases or you will get beaten
- Think of yourself as a human vacuum cleaner sucking in as much information as possible
- Manage the flow of data coming at you by filtering extraneous data
- Ignore truthful behavior. Remember you are only going to sink your heels into deception
- Remember that there is only a casual difference between behavior and logic
Deceptive behavior and traits of dishonesty
- Creating a halo effect, trying to prove they are mommy’s little angel
- Inappropriate level of politeness. “That’s a great shirt.” When we like someone we are more inclined to believe them and shy away from confrontation
- Inappropriate level of concern. They really just want to know what’s going on and what you know
- Diminishing the importance of an issue. “Why is everyone so worried about that anyway?”
- Invoking religion, especial when they bring it up and you’ve never heard them say a word about it before hand
- Unable to answer directly. “Did you do it?” “I’d never do something like that.”
- Covering a lie. Watch their hand covering their mouth. Also they will often cover their eyes because they can’t bear the thought of seeing your reaction to the whooper they just told you
- Anchor point movement. This is why detectives put suspects in a wobbly chair that leans back and has wheels
- Grooming gestures. Watch the hands to hair, eyebrows, chin, and clothes. Grooming gestures can also mean they will try straightening up their surroundings, such as paper on a desk or table
- Referral statements. “Like I said before” or “Like I told so and so”
- Exclusion qualifier. “All I can tell you is…” That may be all they can tell you but not all they know
Your job is not to COLD bust someone when you think they are lying. Your job is to solicit cooperation. So if someone lies to you, don’t re-ask the same question. You may think you are encouraging them to own up to it, but it only causes the person to engrain the lie in their mind. The more times they tell the lie the easier it gets to tell it.
Questions to probe for the truth
- Punishment question. “What do you think should happen to the person who took it?” If they know something they may recommend a light punishment
- Accusation question. “Is there any reason anyone would accuse you of doing it?”
- Possibility question. “I know it was a while ago but is there a possibility you where anywhere around when it happened?”
- Possibility follow-up. “What can you tell me about that day?”
- Involvement question. “What involvement did you have in….?”
- Circumstance question. “Under what circumstance would you cut corners?”
- Payment question. “As a sign of good faith, will you pay for the missing money out of your pocket?”
- There to here. “Earlier you said ____. How did you get from there to here?
- Mind virus. “When I ask around, will anyone tell me anything to insinuate you were involved?”
- Catch all. “What haven’t I asked that you think I should know?
Keep in mind you aren’t out to accuse everyone of lying. You just want to be aware of the environment of deception that is being created by the people around you. To be clear on what’s happening and what is the truth, you must ignore the truth and pay attention to the CLUSTERS of deceptive behavior to find the truth.